Have A Takei Old Time
Written by Megan Shepard and Aaron Fowkes
Everyone with a brain stem and a decent pulse knows that George Takei is freaking awesome. Why wouldn’t he be? He was in Star Trek, he was in Heroes, he’s been in FMV video games (namely Command and Conquer: Red Alert 3 (“You are made of stupid”)) and he’s the nicest guy you could ever hope to meet. Why shouldn’t he receive the attention that he deserves? Like Stephen Fry in the UK, George would really be accepted as a national treasure over in the UK too. It’s actually funny that I mention Stephen for the simple reason that is this: according to a recently passed Tennessee law, people like George and Stephen would simply “disappear”. The simple reason for this is actually more complicated than it seems. Tennessee seems to still operate under the “leeches and witch-burning” system, i.e. they seem to be stuck in the 1500’s; the time of throwing feces out of second story windows, countries still being discovered and religion being the be all and end all of modern values and beliefs (well, as modern as the 1500’s can get). This includes the idea that God-fearing Christians are supposed to marry as man and wife, swiftly followed by having twelve kids and dying of Dysentery aged forty. Fast forward to 2011, and Tennessee still believe that they live in the days of feces and Dysentery (wow. The people of the 1500’s really were completely obsessed with shit, weren’t they?). Yes, children. It’s time to discuss an old subject that I’ve talked about before: homosexuality. In this case, the “Don’t Say Gay” law. But this time, I have a little help from my (girl)friend… Megan? Care to discuss cultural retardedness with me?
Tennessee needs to get its priorities straight (I’m allowed to say that, right?). If I were a Tennessee parent, I would be more concerned about my child learning about morals from the same state that spawned the KKK than learning about other kinds of families. However, this issue does raise a question about education: What duty does the state have in educating about real life? Considering the curriculum in question is entitled “Family Life”, the answer for any rational human being would be that all types of families should be explored. After all, these are K-8 kids (you can tell this part was written by Megan. Her and her little Americanisms. Adds a certain charm though, don’t you think?); the most objectionable fact about the birds and the bees that they could learn would come from crude drawings and euphemisms. I don’t even remember the big “S” word being discussed until 8th grade, on the very tail end of the age group affected by the Don’t Say G–, er, Takei law. The wording of the most recent draft of the law that I can find manages to agree with me and completely disagree as well. The bill acknowledges that “human sexuality is a complex subject”, yet only bans “any instruction or material that discusses sexual orientation OTHER THAN HETEROSEXUALITY”. Parents and Internet commentators beg the state to “stop sexualizing our kids” and that “forcing beliefs” has no role in a place where “age appropriate education” should be treasured. As I have previously discussed, educators won’t be showing kindergartners which lube is best for their gay lovemaking, or teaching fifth graders how to please their lesbian lover. They will, as part of the “Family Life” curriculum, be teaching about families. Families come in different shapes and sizes; sometimes kids are adopted or families are joined together by marriage; some parents have different color skin; some children have two mommies or two daddies. The only fear they should ever be taught about families would be to look out for signs of abuse. Evil people come in every shade of sexual orientation, yet we are singling out homosexuals. Straight sex is fine to teach about, but if there’s more than one penis around, then that’s harming kids? Tennessee, get your priorities straight.
I feel that this issue is really overstepping some kind of mark (yes, your regular commentator is back again). Let me put this clearly: sexuality on 99% of occasions is not a choice that is based on any type of programming. In fact, it isn’t a choice at all. Sexual orientation, as argued on many occasions by scientists and psychologists, is not a free choice but is determined by biological programming. Obviously the remaining one percent may be caused by an environmental variable but it would have to already have some sort of “kickstart” in order for homosexuality to fully develop. But the way I word that, it makes homosexuality sound like some sort of condition. It may have been like this during the Shit Era that was mentioned earlier, but need I – sorry – we mention that this is 2011. We’ve had men on the moon, we’ve invented the bacon sandwich, we can get a letter from the other side of the world to someone’s doorstep in less than a day if we really tried hard enough, we can see the deepest depths of Space, we can invent a combustible lemon that burns your house – oh God. Sorry. I’ve been talking about Portal 2 for two articles in a row and I feel I have to make that reference or I’m not doing my job properly… Anyway, the point stands. Homosexuality is really something that we can’t choose. I was born straight, and no amount of education from Mrs Leeberwitz in 2nd Grade can convince me to be anything other than that. Race (as mentioned earlier by my partner-in-crime) is something that was brought up by the state of Tennessee very subtly and tastefully (!) by the formation of the Ku Klux Klan. Race isn’t a choice; it’s biological. Why should race be treated any differently to homosexuality? It really is quite perplexing as to how such a pseudo-valid argument can really be presented and even taken on board by an entire state; 2% of the Union. If there was a class that discounted skin types other than white and was made to sound like any other skin colour didn’t exist, then would this law stay in effect for much time? Would it even make it past the State House of Representatives? Do you see the ludicrousness of what I’m conveying in this? The State is justifying this law citing that it would produce “less of a divide amongst classmates”. The opposite is achieved. It steps us back several decades and even centuries as this leads to further segregation and further bullying toward those that are different to what is acceptable as stated by the curriculum. And it always seems to be with Tennessee. Were you specifically created for the sole purpose of being stuck in the Middle Ages? We have 1925 and the Evolution debate, we have the KKK and now we have the Don’t Say Takei law. Why must you pop up on my radar like this? How could I miss this before? I’ve talked about Apple, Valve, Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant, podcasts, Chris Evans, Team Fortress 2, and much, much more random assortments of culture, but this is definitely a far more pressing issue than what I’ve been making it out as, especially in earlier articles when I have mentioned homosexuality. Megan is completely correct. Tennessee needs to sort their priorities out quickly or it’ll be us with the hoverboards and “It’s OK To Be Takei” buttons and stickers while they’re still trying to work out which way the horse goes on a horse and cart. Whilst dying of Dysentery.
Speaking of which, why not buy an “It’s OK To Be Takei” T-Shirt?
